Our 2014 Gamers of the Year: You! (In Memoriam)

As the editor of 0HP, it is my pleasure to present for the first time our Gamers of the Year award. But alas, it is not as joyous as it might seem, for you see, its recipients are dead.

I’m talking about you. Yes, you, our not-so-dear audience! You have been elected by us as 0HP’s first ever Gamers of the Year, an honor without equal, and it’s extremely unfortunate that you can’t enjoy it seeing as you’re all dead.

People of GamerGate - Imgur

This was probably drawn by some gamer, but thankfully that means he’s gone.

Sure, some of my lesser colleagues like to pretend that when we loudly proclaimed that “gamers are dead” back in August we didn’t mean “gamers are dead”, only “some of them, you know, the ones we don’t like”. They’re being disingenuous buffoons, obviously. Whereas I cannot tell a lie: when we said you gamers are dead, we meant it. You were a revolting lot of entitled manchildren, who kick and scream at anyone who dares disagree with you. Why, if you weren’t dead you would probably be up to something moronic and puerile, such as proclaiming “gaming journalists are dead”.

So enjoy this prestigious award. It’s a shame you couldn’t receive such an honor before, but then again, if you weren’t kaput we wouldn’t even recognize your pitiful existence in the first place. You might be wondering what is to be done with your trophy. Worry not, for it will be pawned and the proceeds donated to a charitable cause chosen at random between my friends’ Patreons. At least in death you did some good by financing a Macbook and a few soy lattes.

apple

Social justice to start any minute now.

Now off you go, you wretched lot. You’re of even less use to us now that you have passed away, because at least when alive you fell for our clickbait and affiliate ads. As it stands, be glad we deigned to so much as refer to you, crawl back to your king-sized coffins and stop ruining videogames with your well-sourced accusations of payola, cronyism and yellow journalism.

R.I.P. and you’re welcome.

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